Self-love means you love yourself;
It doesn’t demand the love of others.
There is no need to convince others.
An Internal Acceptance is Sufficient
It has nothing to do with the viewpoints of others
~Dr. Wayne W. Dyer: Your Erroneous Zones
Molly popped into my office with such vigor and sassy finesse that I was certain she fell back into her cocaine addiction she’d struggled to overcome years ago. But to may amazement she was riding on the high of thinking she had the answer once and for all to stop binge eating and return to her normal weight. “Pills” she said, were the answer. She found a company that would prescribe diet pills to quiet her binge eating.
You see, Molly had gastric bypass surgery years ago with great success, but as soon as her digestion track began to heal she found a ways to shovel food back in, as only we food addicts can. Need I say more! Molly piled on the 150 pounds she released, and then some.
Molly, like so many, wanted the “fix” not realizing she must do the work to release the weight and cease the binge eating disorder. I wish I knew of a softer and easier way to stop binge eating but in my 22 years of practice as an eating disorder specialist there is none…
No pill, no surgery, no fandango fad is going to do it.
Well, for starters self-love is the answer. Often we are looking to others to determine how we should look or act. Dr. Dyer’s says, “Self-love means you love yourself; it doesn’t demand the love of others.” When I was 19 years old, I stumbled upon Your Erroneous Zones written by Dr. Wayne Dyer. At the time, I was chasing one diet after another in a quest to get skinny. I was at a turning point when I first happened upon this life-saving book in 1976.
Self-love was what I began to practice from those early days in 1 976 and continue to work on today. It was the beginning realization there was no need to convince others but rather an internal acceptance was sufficient.
Making peace with self-love is a tough one for most of us to grasp, including those who turn to bariatric surgery, pills or diets to stop binge eating.
When you consider bariatric surgery, pills or diets of any kind you must consider they serve only as a tool. Molly thought this was the answer once and for all. Weight loss surgery, pills, or diets are a jump start for sure but not a long-term solution unless you change your relationship with food. Pills and surgery will initially curb your appetite giving you a false feeling of full. But in time, your hunger button will awaken the sleeping giant within. Now what?
It’s my opinion, and my personal experience, that certain foods affect us binge eaters like a drug and we can’t stop eating…no matter how fist-clenching, jaw shut determined we are. It’s an addiction and we must remove the addictive food or else we continue on the merry-go-round of diets, pills, and surgery only to end up back on square one.
I know it sounds harsh and I don’t mean for it to but it’s the facts. My office is brimming with Molly’s of different sizes, shapes, genders, nationalities and yes…eating disorders of all types. At the end of the day it ALL boils down to what chemicals are put into their brain…food chemicals.
But, there is hope and there is help. Begin the process with ten steps to change…
These suggestions are in no way the total solution to stop binge eating but are an excellent start to releasing the obsession with food and body weight. Molly thought turning to diet pills, hence giving her the ability to “diet” on top of her weight loss surgery was the answer. And maybe in part for her it might be. But first, she must change her relationship with food and learn self-love, not the acceptance of others but rather the acceptance of herself.
A good foundation may cease the inner negative diet chatter leading to binge eating. Think of it like a shot in the arm—a boost. I’m not a fan of diets but rather a cheerleader of healthy mind, body and spirit. Remember there is no overnight cure.
“But I want to feel good right now!” Why can’t I turn the noise chatter in my head off like a light switch you might ask? Well, it is a process that requires exploration and explanation as you journey through the upcoming pages.
Like with Molly, work through the steps and you will build a strong foundation building a life with healthy habits, stronger and leaner body, peace with self through self-love, as Dr. Dyer so eloquently notes.
Hugs to you…I care!
Let me know how you are doing and if I can answer any questions.
Perhaps you have a solution or an experience you’d like to share please feel free I’d love to hear from you, and others would as well.
Check out Release Your Obsession with Food: Heal from the Inside Out to quiet the binge eating monster in you at Amazon.com or any bookstore near you. Also, stay tuned for my newest book: Release Your Obsession with Diet Chatter: Heal from the Inside Out.
Speaker, writer, licensed clinical psychotherapist, PhD in addiction psychology, eating disorder professional, hypnotherapist changing the view about compulsive eating one addict at a time.